Eat, Pray, Love-- Texas Edition

    In this country, there is a very traditional definition for "success." You follow one institution after another, until your hair turns grey and you walk out of your final career at age 65 with the money from your 401k that you had been saving since you started working at age 22. For me, I thought this was the path that I was going to take. I have counted myself as a "successful" person-- but I have always been a workaholic and a walking ball of stress. Last year was the year that I cracked. I looked in the mirror, and I did not like the person that was staring back at me. I had acne all over my face, raccoon eyes, my body ballooning up because I was not taking care of myself, and my eyes were red because I often woke up crying because I did not want to go to school. This fatigued and jaded feeling carried with me all day long---it never got any better.  I could not recognize myself at all. This was not the Nikki I wanted to be--- this Nikki could not pick herself up in challenging situations anymore, this Nikki could not recognize unhealthy relationships, and this Nikki was just barely functioning. I made bad choices because I trying to find some type of short term happiness in a horrible situation.  I knew I lost myself and I just desperately needed to get myself back.
      This hiatus, although somewhat forced upon me, has been the best thing that has ever happened. I feel happy-- a statement that I could not make since I graduated from Mount Holyoke in 2010. I feel myself enjoying the present and enjoying just---being. I love doing things that make me happy. I get up every morning and I smile because I know that everyday is a gift and I am truly blessed to have this time to discover myself. I love going to work and knowing that when I leave, I have the rest of the day to do things for myself. I have started reading paper again. I have started reading books from The Observer's List of Greatest Novels of All Time. I love that I am expanding my mind and learning more and more. I am a smart and driven individual. I forgot it for a while, but I am slowly feeling the passion that I have for learning and being a student of the world coming back to me.  I am learning how to love--- how to love myself and how to love others with a deeper passion than I have ever had before.  
       This notion of "finding yourself" is perceived by the majority of society to be completely flighty because many Americans have a mentality of working until your computer screen gets blurry and you develop Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  I am feel like I am participating in my own version of Eat, Pray, Love--Texas Edition. I am so fortunate that I have this time to re-charge my batteries and get healthy (mentally and physically). I am so fortunate that I have found hot yoga and it has helped me get to a place where I am enjoying my body and appreciating all of the wonderful things that it has done for me, and will continue to do for me. As always, I am so fortunate that I have had my friends and family constantly by my side. Even when I couldn't see it, you all always knew that I deserved the best. Most importantly, you all taught me that people who couldn't see how special I was, should be shown the door. Thank you for that.
        Am I out of the woods yet? No. But everyday,  I feel my life getting better and better. I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to discover Nikki. I am learning everyday that I am a beautiful, complex, smart, funny, charismatic, and caring person. I forgot it for a year, but I am coming back with a vengeance.